Now Reading | What You Learn in Your 40’s.
I loved this little gem in the NYT this morning by Pamela Druckerman. Personally, I have loved my 40’s so far. They are liberating and I understand what she’s saying. I pulled out a few of her life-lessons learned below. Enjoy.
1. If you worry less about what people think of you, you can pick up an astonishing amount of information about them. You no longer leave conversations wondering what just happened. Other people’s minds and motives are finally revealed.
2. There are no grown-ups. We suspect this when we are younger, but can confirm it only once we are the ones writing books and attending parent-teacher conferences. Everyone is winging it, some just do it more confidently.
3. There are no soul mates. Not in the traditional sense, at least. In my 20s someone told me that each person has not one but 30 soul mates walking the earth. In fact, “soul mate” isn’t a pre-existing condition. It’s an earned title. They’re made over time.
4. Emotional scenes are tiring and pointless. At a wedding many years ago, an older British gentleman who found me sulking in a corner helpfully explained that I was having a G.E.S. — a Ghastly Emotional Scene. In your 40s, these no longer seem necessary.
5. When you meet someone extremely charming, be cautious instead of dazzled. By your 40s, you’ve gotten better at spotting narcissists before they ruin your life. You know that “nice” isn’t a sufficient quality for friendship, but it’s a necessary one.
6. People’s youthful quirks can harden into adult pathologies. What’s adorable at 20 can be worrisome at 30 and dangerous at 40. Also, at 40, you see the outlines of what your peers will look like when they’re 70.
7. More about you is universal than not universal. My unscientific assessment is that we are 95 percent cohort, 5 percent unique. Knowing this is a bit of a disappointment, and a bit of a relief.
8. But you find your tribe. Jerry Seinfeld said in an interview last year that his favorite part of the Emmy Awards was when the comedy writers went onstage to collect their prize. “You see these gnome-like cretins, just kind of all misshapen. And I go, ‘This is me. This is who I am. That’s my group.’ ” By your 40s, you don’t want to be with the cool people; you want to be with your people.
9. Just say “no.” Never suggest lunch with people you don’t want to have lunch with. They will be much less disappointed than you think.
10. Do not buy those too-small jeans, on the expectation that you will soon lose weight.
11. If you are invited to lunch with someone who works in the fashion industry, do not wear your most “fashionable” outfit. Wear black.
12. If you like the outfit on the mannequin, buy exactly what’s on the mannequin. Do not try to recreate the same look by yourself.
13. It’s O.K.if you don’t like jazz.
